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break down

2012-01-21T10:29:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling like such a fucking wreck now. I know I should be happy. My favourite festive season is approaching. I had an awesome reunion steamboat dinner earlier @ ahgu's with my maternal fam and a blast last night (till this afternoon) at Timbre and Rui's place celebrating her birthday. But misery loves company, nothing good ever lasts. Caught 11:11 just now, wished for something and got the complete opposite. Burden girl finally sent her project part to her groupmates after making them wait for 1001 years. I cried when I finished it. Wtf is wrong with me, such a simple task of keying in data and I can screw it up time and time again? Not just schoolwork of course, everything else hasn't been flowing smoothly since 2012 started. So much for new year resolutions. So much for wanting to be a better friend, daughter, student, person.

Really though, fuck me and my stupid ideologies. It wouldn't kill to be less stubborn. Now you can cry all you want and no one's gonna give a shit, cos you fucking deserve all this crap you brought upon yourself.

2012-01-14T09:36:00.000-08:00

Gotta pick myself up, where do I start?
'Cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart.

I think it's a girl thing to overthink. And you know it's so true when they say, 'overthinking leads to self-destruction'. I practically kill myself everyday thinking about all this at night. About him, about her, about them, about us. About you.

You can do better Sheryl, just wait.

2012

2012-01-09T07:29:00.000-08:00

It's the second week of 2012 already, how time flies. I still can't get over 2011 seriously, it still feels like I'm 17 and I just stepped into TP..... And now, I'll be a Year 2 in another three months. Can't help feeling old and all. I know I'll always be a child at heart though, oh well #foreveryoung!! I AM 19 THIS YEAR, ARE YOU KIDDING ME. We Lanjays agreed that we still feel as though we haven't aged a day past 16. So yup, we decided that we're 16 now and we'll celebrate our 17th birthdays this year and then the cycle repeats next year, hehe forever seventeen sounds real good to me! ;)

Hmm so the 'O' level results were released today. I know I'm far from that stage now but I still can't help thinking about what could have been and what I could have done better and regrets blablabla................ Even at dinner my mom was still nagging about how I could have done much better and now I would have already graduated and shit. "If only you worked for O's" "If only you studied and put in effort last year in TPJC." If only, if only. But I'm no longer in secondary school, nor am I a JC student. I am a poly kid and to be honest I still can't get used to that till now. I still feel out of place sometimes even till now. I feel weird because I'm older (I know it's just a year but still) and because I have a different experience. Sometimes, I can't help feeling that I'm being seen in a different light. And I know that I'm not performing up to standard still. I really need to pull up my socks. Have been saying that for the past... 6 years? I pray that it happens soon. It's now or never, seriously. This is my last shot.

Fresh start

2011-11-27T07:33:00.001-08:00

It is a Sunday night and I am waiting for the Liverpool v Man City match to start. But I'm lazy to start on my work and I went to read my old blog posts...... And I thought since I've nothing to do now I should make a new one.

Let's hope I'll keep this place updated heh heh heh. Rui says one should blog to document the events of their lives.. If not you won't remember what interesting things happened.

x