yet another year.

Today is the last day of 2012. Feels so surreal.

Age is really catching up on me - and as you grow older, you slowly lose the excitement to celebrate new year's, christmas, etc. I can't fathom why, but amidst all the countdown plans, all I wanna do tonight is curl up in my bed and sleep.

2012 wasn't a bad nor fantastic year. But it was definitely eventful, and tiring. From the many days of CNY celebration with friends and family at the start, to Freshmen Orientation and Week 0 in April, Student Elections, the countless club events, fretting over assignments/projects, sleepless nights, my 19th celebrations (which happens to be one of my best ever birthdays ☺), Cambodia OCIP trip, and Beijing/Northeastern China trip year-end family trip to conclude the year. My first time celebrating a white Christmas. My first time making sacrifices and fighting for what I want. All in 2012. It took me a long while to settle in, and now that I've finally done so, it's come to an end. 

I'm just not ready for 2013. Secretly hoping that time will freeze at 2359 tonight...........

Back to December ☃

Sooo, it's the holidays, and it's the night before I fly off...........

But I can't bring myself to put down everything here and enjoy this vacation. Sigh there's so much undone, so many things left unsaid.............

This year passed by so quickly, I can barely recall all the events and incidents. Everything's a blur. And amidst this confusion, I guess somehow, somewhere I lost myself. Maybe in my thoughts. Maybe because no one actually knows what I'm thinking. Because I've become so inward, and so closed and I've been building so many walls. I never used to toss and turn in my sleep, but now I do. And I can't seem to put my thoughts into words. Nor provide an explanation for my emotions. Or control my crankiness. Somehow, barely anything makes sense to me.

Am I doing and thinking too much? And saying too little? How do I convince others, when I can't even convince myself.

This is a pointless self-inflicted struggle. I need to build a bridge and get over it.

Slowly but surely.

Hoping hard that the year will end on a good note. Meanwhile, thankful for everyone and everything that's keeping me going. See you on the 27th.

Crystal clear

White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight 

Clenched shut jaw, I've got another headache again tonight 

Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and they burn from all the tears 

I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you 

Tie a knot in the rope, tryin' to hold, tryin' to hold, 

But there's nothing to grasp so I let go